Amnesia

She doesn't remember anything anymore.

Memories, experiences, all forgotten. Wiped away from her mind, leaving a blank place where they once were.

She only knew her name. Lyndsey. The nurse had told her so. Lyndsey Ballato. The nurse told her she wasn't Ballato anymore though. The ring on her finger changed her last name to Way.

So she was now Lyndsey Way.

Lyndsey still wasn't sure though. What if her name was Tiffany, or Emily? She felt like an Emily, maybe her name was Emily.

The nurse kept telling her her name was Lyndsey though, so she wasn't Emily (she felt a little disappointed, she had started to like the sound of Emily).

The nurse told her she spelled her name different from Lyndsey, apparently. She said Lyndsey liked to spell it Lyn-Z for some reason. Lyndsey didn't like it, so she stuck to writting it like it's supposed to. Why ruin a name like that anyway?

Lyndsey also didn't get who she was either. Her arms were filled with tattoos (how horrid!), and she apparently played bass for this messed up band called Mindless Self Indulgence. And she had a kid, too. Lyndsey almost spit out the water the nurse brought her when the nurse told her. She was one year old, and her name was Bandit Lee Way. Lyndsey choked a laugh, Bandit?, she said, Why would I name my child Bandit?

Her baby's name also brought something else to her attention.

"Who am I married to?" she asked the nurse when she came in to bring Lyndsey some pills.

"You're married to Gerard Way. He's a nice guy, an artist" the nurse replied, helping Lyndsey with her medicine.

"An artist, huh?" Lyndsey scratched her head, careful not to hurt herself or ruin the bandages. "He's also the singer of a band."

A band. Of course. Lyndsey really didn't understand why her life was so crazy. "Would you like to see him?" the nurse asked sweetly, cleaning up.

"Yes" Lyndsey said, with a warm smile. Maybe this Gerard person would shed some light in the situation.

Lyndsey waited quietly, pondering on all of the information. She didn't even know why she was in the hospital, all of this was insane! She just wanted to go somewhere she could be in peace and not surrounded by this crazy lifestyle she has. But first she wanted to understand everything. She hoped Gerard would tell her something that would make sense.

When Gerard came in it took her by surprise. "You have red hair" was the only thing she said, and the man laughed. His laugh made her insides flutter, and she decided that at least she chose something right! Gerard kissed her cheek, and she giggled like an idiot.

"How are you?" he asked.

"Confused. I don't understand anything..."

Gerard's face fell, and she kept trying to figure out what she said wrong. She half smiled, wishing she could make him smile. While they were quiet, Lyndsey took the chance to look him over. He had really pretty eyes, and even though his hair made him resemble a clown, it actually looked pretty awesome on him. Plus, he had nice lips...

Gerard caught her staring and she looked away, embarrassed. "Sorry..." she mumbled. Gerard reached over to her and gently rubbed her head, careful not to hurt her. "That was a pretty bad accident..." he said. Lyndsey remembered her bump, and asked, a little enthusiastic. She'd know!

Gerard's face fell again, and she mentally scolded herself. She promised herself never to make him upset ever again.

"You were in the car with Mikey, Bandit, and me" he started. Lyndsey lifted an eyebrow, silently questioning who this "Mikey" person is. "Mikey's my brother..." he said, his voice breaking a little.

"Long story short, we crashed and you got hurt really bad" Lyndsey leaned in, analyzing every word. Car crash, got hurt, he and his brother Mikey were there, okay. "How come you're okay?" she asked poking random parts of his body. She poked his chest and he winced. She took back her hand, scared she might have hurt him. Plan to never make him upset was failing pretty badly.

Gerard was nice enough to not mention anything, though. He continued with his story.

"Bandit was okay, just some minor bruises. Mikey was in the back with Bandit, so he was okay too. I hit myself over the steering wheel, and you..." He sighed, "Your head hit the glass window. It shattered. We all thought you were dead" he said. Lyndsey's eyes flew open. She passed the palm of her hand on the bandages. "Now you can't remember anything..." he finished, looking glum.

Lyndsey wanted to say something, but she really didn't know what to say. She didn't know how he would react to anything else she would say, and she didn't want to upset him any further. She stayed quiet.

Gerard had a smile on his face now. Lyndsey smiled back, a little surprised by his sudden change of mood. "I wish you could see Bandit" he said placing his head on her shoulder. Lyndsey flinched, but stayed put. He nuzzled his nose in her neck, and Lynsey felt shivers go all over her body.

"I don't know much about you or anything else right now..." she said, moving a little to stroke his hair. "But I think I'm supposed to love you"

Gerard smiled at this, and Lyndsey cheered inside her head. Plan not to get him upset is back on track! "Really?" he asked, and Lyndsey smiled back. "Yeah" she nodded.

Lyndsey really liked Gerard, he was nice and sweet and pretty. They talked a while and she learned that they'd met during some tour. She also learned that he liked comic books, and that he couldn't play guitar. Oh, and that she could do a pretty wicked backbend! Lyndsey couldn't wait until she left the hospital to try that out.

Some other people dropped by too. One of them was named Jimmy Urine, he was the singer of the band Lyndsey was in. And a small guy with much more tattoos than her called Frank also passed by. She couldn't remember meeting them before though, that upset her a lot. But it didn't matter, all that mattered was Gerard.

Lyndsey waited impatiently for his visits, planning her questions anxiously. How old was I? When was my birthday? When did we get married? Why was Jimmy so freaky? Gerard answered them, and Lyndsey was grateful for his patience. She told him about how she couldn't wait 'till she got out to try her backbend, and he laughed. He said it might be a while until she left, so she should wait patiently and try to get her memory back.

Lyndsey nodded. Gerard gave her a hug goodbye. She always made sure she hugged him good and tight, so he'd know she cared about him. She wasn't so sure why it was so important though, she didn't really remember meeting him before. But she had a good feeling, like she told him before she really did feel like she was supposed to love him.

Today, Lyndsey carefully washed her face. She didn't want to get soap in her eye like last time. Looking in the mirror, she examined herself. Lyndsey thought she was quite pretty. Gerard told her she was 31, but she thought she had to be a bit younger. Oh well. She dried it off, walking over to her hospital bed.

She laid down on it, and sighed. She was growing tired of being in the same place for so long. She wanted to see things, not just the view outside the window. It was about a week since Gerard had told her she might be stuck there a while longer, but the nurse told her she just needed a few more tests and she'd be on her way.

Lyndsey was excited, she wanted to see Bandit, and her home, and learn more about herself and everybody else. She mostly wanted to spend 24/7 with Gerard, but yeah, she wanted to know more. Really.

But until then, she'd have to let the doctors take tests and such. And then, freedom! Beautiful freedom!

But she was still lost... Lyndsey sighed, wishing her head would just stop playing tricks on her and give her her memory back. But it was being a nasty little bitch, making Lyndsey suffer.


Some time passed, and it finally came. The day she got out was...weird.

There were a bunch of people she didnt know outside, with big smiles on their faces. Lyndsey felt uncomfortable, so she kept hiding behind Gerard. Gerard would keep her safe.

"Holy shit, how are you?"

"Oh my god! Lyndsey!"

"I'm glad you're okay."

"Does this mean you're a zombie now?"

They kept pestering her with questions, and Lyndsey didn't know what to say. She kept poking Gerard, asking for help, and with a sweet smile he made it all better. Lyndsey clinged to Gerard's back, not wanting to go anywhere else.

She didn't know those people, but they knew her. Everything was getting weird again. Gerard turned her so he faced her, and hugged her tight.

"It's okay," he said, "It's okay." He kissed her lips softly, and Lyndsey's insides went crazy. A bunch of butterflies fluttered violently in her stomach, and she was sure her cheeks were fiery red. She giggled like an idiot, hiding her face in her hair. Gerard hugged her tight, and it was all okay. Gerard made it okay, and he'll always make it okay.

Once Bandit was in her arms, her heart almost exploded with joy. "This is my daughter?" she asked, cradling her while Gerard went to fetch a baby bottle from the kitchen. "Yup," he said, sitting next to Lyndsey. "That's our Bandit"

The baby cooed, and Lyndsey couldn't wipe the smile off her face. She decided she didn't want to stop smiling. The baby lifted a small hand and tugged at Lyndsey's hair, and she laughed.

"I seem to have a pretty good life" she said, carefully disentangling Bandit's tiny fingers from her hair.

"You do. It used to be pretty hard, but it slowly got better," Gerard said.

"Did it get better because of you?" she asked.

Gerard laughed, his cheeks slightly pink. "Um, I don't know, I guess I helped a little"

"I bet it was because of you. Ever since I woke up, you're the only thing that has actually helped me and made me feel safe. I'm sure it was because of you."

Gerard now had a big grin on his face. He threw an arm around Lyndsey and pulled her closer. "I'll leave that to when your memory comes back" he said, kissing her head.

Lyndsey didn't understand why Gerard didn't think he helped her before. Lyndsey was confused again, and this time it was Gerard's fault. The world was very confusing, her life was confusing. It's been over a month of confusion and she still doesn't know what's going on.

Lyndsey shut off her thoughts, deciding that what was best for now was to enjoy the moment with her husband and her child.

"Things will get better" Gerard said, "They always do"

Things stayed the same.

Lyndsey woke up every morning, expecting to remember everything like magic. So far, she was doing well. But it still felt like she was in another person's place, like this didn't belong to her. Maybe her name really was Emily, and she was from New York, and she was a waitress? Or her name was Tiffany, a veterinarian from Florida. Or maybe Jane, from Michigan, a model.

On second thought, maybe not a model. She couldn't be a model with those tattoos. And she didn't like animals that weren't dogs or cats, so she couldn't be a veterinarian. And the nurse told her her name really was Lyndsey, so everything else was out.

She still felt she was living in somebody else's skin though.

And that upset her.

Lyndsey just sighed, clinging to Gerard like he was her safety blanket. Gerard seemed to know everything, she should stick with him.

"You should be a super hero" Lyndsey said once, eating some ice cream she picked out earlier that day. Gerard told her chocolate chip was her favorite, and he was completely right.

"How come?" he asked, joining her with a spoon of his own.

"Cause you're like a super hero" she said, shoving ice cream in her mouth. "You guide people, and you teach them good stuff, and then you save them"

Gerard looked at her, bewildered. "Where did you get that I guide people?" he asked, interested. Lyndsey shrugged. "I found something some fans of yours were talking about. They called you their hero. But I thought being a super hero was much better, 'cause it has the word super on it" she said, pleased with herself. Super definitely suited Gerard more than just plain hero.

"I'm no hero" he said, eating ice cream.

"Well, you are mine" Lyndsey said, "You're my super hero. I want to draw you with tights and a cape."

Gerard laughed. "I don't think I look good with tights and a cape. Maybe a leather jacket, and jeans. You can add a colorful mask if you want."

Lyndsey's face lit up. "With sparkles?"

"With sparkles," Gerard nodded.

Lyndsey dropped her spoon in the sink and cleaned her hands. "I'll go do it now, I have the best idea!" she ran to their room, looking for paper and a pencil.

Although Lyndsey was upset she didn't know much about anything anymore, she was slowly catching up to everything. She spent some time every afternoon looking at pictures, memorizing names and important dates, and learning what Gerard liked so she could make him happy.

Gerard seemed a little upset all the time though. Lyndsey knew. Gerard thinks she doesn't, but she does. Every night he breathes oddly, sort of hiccup-like. Lyndsey doesn't like that, because breathing like that usually leads to crying, and Gerard shouldn't cry or be sad, ever.

Lyndsey doesn't really know why, that's what makes it bad. She wishes so much that she did so she could make it better.

She found out one night Gerard was speaking with his brother through phone. What was his name? Oh, Mikey!

Lyndsey was going to grab a glass of water before heading to bed when he heard Gerard talking, sounding really upset. Really really upset...

"It's hard, Mikey...she's learning everything from the start, she doesn't know anything. Well, she knows some stuff, you know. I tell her some things, and others she finds out on her own, but..."

Lyndsey felt a heavy feeling in her stomach. Gerard was trying not to cry, but the tears were flowing freely now.

"I don't know what to do...it hurts..."

Lyndsey sat on the floor, out of sight from Gerard's pacing in the living room.

She needed to remember, she needed to! Gerard was sad and upset because of her, and he couldn't be! It went against her plan, and it was going so well! She needed to remember, she needed to.

She closed her eyes tight, concentrating hard.

One by one, she thought about everything that she learned up until now. She tried to ignore Gerard, and kept thinking and thinking.

No luck. She sighed, trying to control herself. She was mad at herself, for not being able to remember. She needed to remember so Gerard wouldn't be upset, but her stupid mind wouldn't cooperate. She took slow breaths, and felt her breathing start to do the weird hiccup thing. Her eyes started to water, but she rubbed them away.

She wouldn't cry. She had to be strong, for Gerard.

In Bandit's room, the baby started to cry. Lyndsey heard it and groaned. She went to stand up, hearing Gerard apologize and say his goodbyes to his brother. The baby cried and cried, and as Lyndsey stood there, she froze.

The baby's cry suddenly brought her back to when she first cried at night, her and Gerard arguing over who would get up. She smiled silently to the memory, and gasped.

She remembered.

She tried to contain her excitement, but ended up jumping slightly and fanning her face with her hands, saying "Oh my god" repeatedly.

She remembered!

Gerard passed by her, grabbing her by her shoulders and asking "What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong!" he said, a little too loudly. "It's just..."

"What?"

"I remembered something!"

Gerard's eyes opened wide, and he let go. "I remember us arguing when Bandit first cried!"

"What else do you remember?" Gerard asked, impatient. "Do you remember when we got married?"

"I think so...oh! I remember Mikey being there, and...and my mom! And Jimmy ruining the cake!"

At this point they were both excited, forgetting about Bandit. They rushed into her room when the crying reminded them, calming her down.

Lyndsey was trembling from excitement.

She remembers!

She remembers Mindless Self Indulgence, and how she got into the band, and the interviews. When she was a kid, when she was a chubby teenager, she remembered it all.

"Oh my god..." she kept mumbling as it all came back to her.

"Everything makes sense now" she said, relieved. They took care of Bandit, putting her back to sleep safely.

"I'm so glad you're okay..." Gerard said, hugging her tight. Lyndsey hugged him back, feeling like herself again. She didnt feel like she was an Emily or a Tiffany, she didn't feel like she was in somebody else's skin either.

She was herself, and she had the memory to prove it. Lyndsey Way.

No, wait a minute.

Lyn-Z Way, thank you very much.